8-7-09
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, what do they squeeze to get baby oil?
Why do they call it taking a dump, when your actually leaving one?
If you are not part of the solution, you’re a precipitate.
If seeing is believing, why do so many people believe in God?
If a robot does “The Robot”, is it still called “The Robot”, or is it just dancing?
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights made a plane.
What in the fuck was the first guy to milk a cow thinking?
The next sentence is true.
The previous sentence is false.
If actions are stronger than words, why is the pen mightier than the sword?
Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?
Most people are afraid of death, but most of those people don’t want to live forever.
Why did the Flintstones have Christmas?
If you force sex upon a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting?
Even if I choose not to decide, I still have made a choice.
They say practice makes perfect, but nothing can be perfect, so why practice?
Even though I know nothing, I know that I know nothing. Which means, I know one thing. Which means, I am back to zero as the thing I thought I knew is actually not true, causing me to know nothing at all.
A man with one watch, knows what time it is. A man with two watches, is never sure.
Even if I clock does not work, it is right at least twice a day.
Do we see colors differently? Is my green, your red? Is my blue, your yellow?
Whenever you see a cake, always assume it is a lie.
Are we humans, or dancers?
Who really did let the dogs out?
Atoms and particles behave in a probabilistic way, but our body and mind are made of atoms and particles? So, how can free will exist?
If nothing matters, does that matter?
Have you ever been telling a joke and stuttered and ruined the punchline?
I have a bad habit of talking to people, and when they start to walk away, I follow for a second and then catch myself.
Whenever I am walking toward someone, and setup for a collision, I try and move to the left, but they always move to the same exact side.
You will always notice when I have nothing to contribute to a conversation, when I check my phone.
Whenever I am asked to dance, I dance for a second, feel weird, then stop.
I always wish there was a bank error in my favor and I get $200 dollars.
Make millions of dollars in ticket sales + die before tour = Michael Jackson.
I want to fuck with the economy so the government will give me a bail out.
If I ever get run over by a car, hopefully it will be an ambulance.
Have you ever done a fake “Force” push and someone actually stumbled in front of you? How awesome does that make you feel!
I didn’t pay my internet bill, but the next day my neighbor got unsecured WiFi.
If I go to jail, I am gonna write a best selling rap song.
I don’t see why everyone complains about lines at the DMV. Everytime I went there I was in and out within fifteen minutes.
Can you like aa man, you never met?
Have you ever became intensely aware of your legs?
I wrote a country song called, “I Should Have Fucked Old Whats-her-name.”
There is a table Tennis Hall of Fame.
The Breakfast Club sucked. Even if the director is dead. Deserved to die for that piece of shit.
I want to know Latin word for douchebag.
If you mail a letter to the post office, who delivers it?
