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I was told a old quote the other day from a philosopher I can’t remember, “Sometimes you got to forgive before you can forget.”

Bullshit.

I do not forgive and I do not forget. I hate people who think they can just forgive anyone for anything at anytime. I forgive nothing, you do something wrong or hurtful to my character or my demeanor, I don’t fucking forgive anything of that sort. That can tell you one of two things in your head either A) I am a horrible person or B) I have been hurt in the past like this. You would be right in choosing either answer.

I am told every day, “Jake Ball, you suck, go die, kill yourself.” I am demeaned to the lowest degree every damn day but I get up the next morning and push myself through the door and back to those places of hatred and shame. Yes, I have tried to follow the peoples advise and take my life, but I could never accomplish it, and thank God I did not.

Because, if I had, I would be giving these people something to fucking cheer over because I would be dead and their wishes would have been granted and they wouldn’t have the “prick asshole, who we all know speaks the truth, but we want to yell and demean him some more” to make fun of behind his back, or something of that particular measure. It would make their life seem tragic and just plain dull. If you think about it, I am actually giving these people something to do that makes their pathetic and worthless life seem like it haves a little bit of meaning.

All these people do are bitch about their problems all day long, wishing they could fix them, but god damn it, you have to leave with them. And, you know who you are, you glare at me walking down the hallway, trying to menacing and scare me, you are not. You’re just making me yourself look stupid, “Oh, look at me, I am trying to act tough to make my girlfriend, or future wife (note they have only been together for a couple of days and yet they are getting ‘married’ in high school) and even though I look retarded I am gonna try to scare ya, even though I suck.”

And people come to me, yelling and crying, because her or him have been arguing with his or her boyfriend or girlfriend, looking for advice and symphony, because they are arguing. Wow, you must be the first couple in the history of ever to do that! Can it be your not right for one another? Or you two are so much alike that you notice your defects in them and it pisses you off? Huh? Fuck off. I have not been in a relationship in almost two years and I am still nice and not depressed when I get put off.

And to you, the girls that have stood me up and refused to date me, because:

A) I was too much like your brother.
B) I was too much of a friend.
C) I was not in your class.
D) I was not in the same ‘league’ as you.
E) You just hate me, because of what other people have told ya.
F) You can’t be in a relationship at the moment and then the next day your dating someone.

Oh, I have been waiting a long time to tell you this, I love how you try to break my soul and crush my spirit by rejecting me, but it is  me who gets the final laugh. I love to see back and watch you sabotage every relationship you are every in ever. I just wish you find that some guy or girl (there are some chicks like that I guess), so you would quite coming to me and crying and bitching and complaining because Joe Too Cool broke up with you because you two had sex and he left, when you know someone like me, or tons of other guys like me, are sitting here just wanting to have to chance to show how good we are. Just one rejection can ruin your life.

Some people are gonna call me a pussy for writing this shit, some will call me desperate, some will tell me I just want a date, I don’t care anymore. The only thing that gives me comfort anymore is the facr, that when I am lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing I had someone to talk too so I would not have to write a blog every time I get pissed, is that none of the idiots reading this at the moment know how lucky you are.